I had something else planned for this week's reading post, but after a discussion on books with friends and my sis, I wanted to come up with a list of my top 10 favorite book series that I actually finished. I thought I wouldn't be able to come up with 10 since I am not really a fast reader and have a lot more series to finish, but I was surprised that I had enough! Some of these were favorites around the time I was reading them, but I don't know if I would feel the same about them if I was to reread them now. I would like to reread a bunch of books from the past, but who really has time for that? Anyways, for now these are my favorite series. These are listed in the order I remember completing the series, not in the order I enjoyed them. I love them all! Click My Top 10 Favorite Islamic Books to read a similar post :)
Completed :)
1. Water by Kara Dalkey (want to reread)
2. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (to big to reread)
3. The Children of the Red King by Jenny Nimmo (reread Aug-Sept. 2013 ;)
4. The Spiderwick Chronicles by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi (love the rhymes)
5. Fablehaven by Brandon Mull (great)
6. Echoes by Jamilah Kolocotronis (realistic fiction with a little bit of everything)
7. Unicorn Chronicles by Bruce Coville (childhood fav.)
8. The Game of Triumphs by Laura Powell (different, but interesting idea)
9. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (the 2nd and 3rd were the best)
10. Dragon Slippers by Jessica Day George (never thought I would like princess stories)
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Hypocrisy in Huck's Civilization
My 3rd paper for American Lit. class this past semester.
The term "civilized behavior" is one that has been mentioned back in history and is still discussed today. The issue of slavery is one of the biggest examples of what was thought about when it came to civilizing a group of people. For a more modern situation, we all know that we shouldn’t steal and this is not good behavior. There is a country in central Africa where stealing isn't punishable. Societies like these determine what is acceptable or not. What one person/society may accept, others won't. There is no universal standard for good and bad in situations like these. In Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, characters such as Huck, Miss Watson, Pap, Tom, etc., show themselves and their rules to be hypocritical. Critics Julius Lester, Justin Kaplan, and Shelly Fishkin further emphasize how Huck's society is hypocritical in their treatment of Jim.
Primarily, the widow Douglass and Miss Watson were the first ones to open Huck's eyes to what their society considered acceptable or not. Both of these characters tried to educate Huck when it came to the Bible, Heaven and Hell, spelling, and proper manners (Twain 132). Huck wanted to smoke, but the widow wouldn’t allow it. In reply to his request, "She said it was a mean practice and wasn’t clean, and I must try to not do it anymore…And she took snuff too; of course that was alright, because she done it herself" (132). As minor as it is, the widow didn’t like for Huck to smoke, yet she did this herself. Smoking is bad for everyone, so for an elderly woman such Ms. Douglass to do this and not allow a young boy to smoke is surprising. Huck eventually got tired of all the "sivilizing" and double standards in his community, so he did whatever he wanted, including smoking, once he got the chance.
Soon after this experience with the widow, Huck had to deal with his "uncivilized white father." Parents are known for wanting the best for their children, but apparently Pap had something against Huck having a home and getting an education. Pap would constantly get drunk: "He was going down to town to get some whiskey… next day he was drunk… pap took it [Huck's three dollars] and got drunk" (Twain 143). He would also curse at everyone and everything: "Then the old man got to cussing, and cussed everything and everybody he could think of, and then cussed them all over again to make sure he hadn't skipped any" (146). None of these describe a civilized person, let alone a parent.
Pap wanted custody of Huck, mostly for his money. Pap thought there was nothing wrong with taking Huck away from the sisters who adopted him, so Pap went to court. Judge Thatcher and the widow tried to take Huck away from his father and be Huck's guardian instead, but a new judge had come and didn’t know Pap's history, "so he said courts mustn't interfere and separate families if they could help it; said he'd [rather] not take a child away from its father. So Judge Thatcher and the widow had to quit on the business" (Twain 143). The logic behind the new judge's verdict is flawed. The judge made it possible for Pap to mercilessly beat Huck and lock him away from the outside world. Huck described his situation saying, "Pap got too handy with his hick'ry, and I couldn’t stand it. I was all over welts. He got to going away so much too, and locking me in. Once he locked me in and was gone three days" (Twain 145). Neither Pap nor the judge were correct in their behavior. As two men who had power over Huck's welfare, their backward mentality jeopardized Huck instead and convinced him to run away.
The widow tried to do what she thought best for Huck, but her sister Miss Watson was more hypocritical than caring. As much as Miss Watson wanted to improve Huck's behavior, she wasn’t very moral herself. Like many people in the time period of Twain's story, slavery was a common practice, so it wasn’t surprising for Miss Watson to own a slave herself. While it was common, it didn’t make this practice ethical. Jim was her household slave, but when he overheard Miss Watson talking about selling him to a plantation, Jim ran away. Jim told Huck his story when they both meet as runaways on an island: "Miss Watson- she pecks on me all [the] time, [and] treats me [pretty] rough… [and] I hear ole missus tell [the widow] she [going] to sell me down to Orleans, but she didn’t want to, but she could [get] eight hund'd dollars for me, [and it was] such a big stack o' money she couldn' resis'" (Twain 157). The temptation of money clouded Miss Waton's reason so she was willing to give up Jim. Jim would suffer even more where slavery was in full force and he would also be separated from his family. Before Jim could find out what would really happen, he ran for his life.
Jim's plight to freedom is interesting and one of the main parts in Huck's adventures. Although hard to understand and really superstitious, Jim is kind hearted and more of a father figure to Huck than Pap. Readers can't help but feel sympathetic to Jim's situation. When Huck and Jim team up, Huck learns that Jim is at everyone's mercy, including his. Going against what society thinks is right, Huck tries to help and protect Jim. This internal battle of Huck's, whether he should return Jim to Miss Watson or help him to his freedom, is a big decision for a young boy. Jim goes on about what he will do once he gets his freedom and even says, "de ole true Huck; de on'y white genleman dat ever kep' his promise to ole Jim" (Twain 185). Hearing this and the thoughts going through Huck's mind, makes him feel sick. But when the time comes, Huck made up his mind to protect Jim against slave catchers (185-186).
Justin Kaplan discusses Huck's awareness to what is thought of as right vs. wrong. Kaplan wrote, But Huck eventually recognizes slavery for the wild thing it was. He follows the dictates of his sound heart and commits a sin as well as a crime by helping Jim to run away from his legal owner. All right, then, I'll go to hell," Huck says. "It was awful thoughts, and awful words, but they was said. And I let them stay said; and never thought no more about reforming (315-316). Huck saw past "civilization" by his society's standards to do the right thing and help someone in need.
By the end of Huck's adventures, Jim goes through much distress at the hands of "civilized" people. Shelly Fisher Fishkin best sums up Jim's unfortunate and unjust situation: Incarcerated in a tiny shack, with a ludicrous assortment of snakes, rats, and spiders… Jim is denied information... After risking his life to get the freedom that, unbeknownst to him, is already his, after proving himself to be a paragon of moral virtue… this legally free black man is still denied respect- and is still in chains. All of this happens… at the initiative of a respectable Tom Sawyer and churchgoing citizens like the Phelps and their neighbors (324-325). This goes hand-in-hand with what Julius Lester wrote: "Jim is a plaything, an excuse for the adventure of it," to be used as it suits the fancies of the white folk..." (315). Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn illustrates how disgusting and evil racism and slavery is. He wanted to show how "civilized society" treated African Americans, even if they were free.
Overall, the hypocrisy of Huck's society and its members is seen in Twain's writing along with critic's point of view. Huck was being "brainwashed" by his adopted guardians, his dad, and friend, Tom Sawyer, but he was still able to break away from society's norms. The hypocrisy by these characters, especially in their behavior towards and about Jim and other slaves, convinced Huck that he should follow his intuition rather than what society dictates. Because Huck stood up for what is right, he was able to help Jim get his long awaited freedom.
Works Cited
Fishkin, Shelly Fisher. "From Lighting Out for the Territory: Reflections on Mark Twain and American Culture." The Norton Anthology: American Literature 1865-1914. Ed. Nina Baym and Robert S. Levine. 8th ed. New York
Kaplan, Justin. "From Born to Trouble": One Hundred Years of Huckleberry Finn." The Norton Anthology: American Literature 1865-1914. Ed. Nina Baym and Robert S. Levine. 8th ed. New York
Lester, Julius. "From Morality and Adventure of Huckleberry Finn." The Norton Anthology: American Literature 1865-1914. Ed. Nina Baym and Robert S. Levine. 8th ed. New York
Twain, Mark. "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn." The Norton Anthology: American Literature 1865-1914. Ed. Nina Baym and Robert S. Levine. 8th ed. New York
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Ramadan Reading and Beyond + Reclaim Your Heart cont.
Similar to my post on Reading Goals etc. I thought I would update my list on Next to Read: Ramadan edition and beyond. This might not be the exact order, but the list is an idea for now.
During Ramadan, I plan to read inshAllah:
(reread) Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed
(put up notes from) Powerful Time Management Skills for Muslims by Zohra Sarwari
The Marriage Procedure in Islam by Umm Muhammad Aminah Assami
Names of Allah by Harun Yahya (free ebook on Barnes and Noble)
The Sealed Nectar: Biography of the Noble Prophet by Safiur-Rahman Mubarakpuri
or Belief in Allah by Umar S. Al-Ashqar
After Ramadan, but before uni. opens:
Prism by Faye Kellerman and Aliza Kellerman
Robin: Lady of Legend by R.M. ArceJaeger (free ebook on Amazon)
Silent Mercy (Alexandra Cooper #13) by Linda Fairstein
The Zion Deception by Laurence B. Brown
(reread) The Eighth Scroll by Laurence B. Brown
(reread) The Returned by Laurence B. Brown
Treasure Island - Special Student Edition by Robert Louis Stevenson
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and; Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
The Secret Garden (Barnes & Noble Classics) by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed cont.
One of the books that I am reading during Ramadan is Yasmin Mogahed's Reclaim Your Heart. Actually, I'm rereading it. I did a review on this book after I first read it in the beginning of the year, but I don't think I did it justice then. I really can't say enough good things about Yasmin and her book. (InshAllah she comes out with another book soon!) I decided to continue my "review" and go section by section including my personal GEM's (genuinely enlightening moments i.e. favorite parts/ what stood out to me). This is for those who wonder why I rave about her book so much and also for me to refer back to ;) ETA 7.23.13: I have finished Reclaim Your Heart and below are all my GEMs.
I highly recommend everyone give this book a chance and read it. But don't read it just to get through it. I suggest reading a section at the most a day. That way, you can actually digest the material and think about it. Fortunately, I have been able to find the articles on Yasmin's website so I have linked each one after the part I liked. This should be helpful to those who want to read her writing, but don't have a physical copy of the book. Nonetheless, read what you can and let me know in the comments below what stood out to you :)
Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it. pg 17
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/
People leave each other, but do they return?
Sometimes Allah takes in order to give. But, it’s crucial to understand that His giving is not always in the form we think we want. He knows best what is best. Allah says: “… But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” (Quran 2:216) pg. 22
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/
On filling the inner hole and coming home
Purpose. Everything has one. Nothing in the heavens or the earth or inside of me or inside of you is created without a purpose. No event in your life, no sadness, no delight, no pain, no pleasure… no loss, was created without a purpose. So just as we must read the ‘message inside the bottle’ of the sun and the moon and the sky, so too must we examine the messages in our own life experiences. pg. 26
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/on-filling-the-inner-hole-and-coming-home/
Emptying the vessel
If there is anything—or anyone—that losing would absolutely break us, we have a false attachment. pg. 29
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/12/07/attachments-emptying-the-vessel/
For the love of the gift
We all have needs and we all have wants. But our true suffering begins when we turn our wants into needs, and our one true need (God) into a commodity we think we can do without. Our true suffering begins when we confuse the means and the End. God is the only End. Every other thing is the means. We will suffer the moment we take our eyes off the End and get lost in the means. pg. 33
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/for-the-love-of-the-gift/
Peace on a rooftop
That is the paradise that Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on his soul, spoke of when he said: ‘Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world.’ pg. 37
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/05/27/peace-on-a-rooftop/
The ocean of dunya
As `Ali (ra) expressed beautifully, “Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.” pg. 39
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/the-ocean-of-dunya/
Take back your heart
This world cannot break you—unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it the keys – unless you give it your heart. pg. 43
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/take-back-your-heart/
Many of us are also trapped inside the belly of the whale of our own desires and objects of worship. It is our own selves which we become enslaved to. And that imprisonment is the result of putting anything where only God should be in our hearts. In so doing we create the worst and most painful of prisons; because while a worldly prison can only take away what is temporary and inherently imperfect, this spiritual prison takes away what is ultimate, unending and perfect: Allah and our relationship to Him. pg. 50
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/11/13/escaping-the-worst-of-prisons/
Is This Love I’m Feeling?
So while ultimate happiness is everyone’s goal, it is often difficult to see past the illusions and discern love from hawa. One fail-safe way, is to ask yourself this question: Does getting closer to this person that I ‘love’ bring me closer to—or farther from—Allah? In a sense, has this person replaced Allah in my heart? pg. 52
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2009/11/13/is-this-love-im-feeling/
Love is in the Air
So often we think that Allah only tests us with hardships, but this isn’t true. Allah also tests with ease. He tests us with na`im (blessings) and with the things we love, and it is often in these tests that so many of us fail. We fail because when Allah gives us these blessings, we unwittingly turn them into false idols of the heart. pg. 53
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/02/14/love-is-in-the-air/
This is Love
The lesson you’re taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that’s when Jennah (paradise) begins. That’s when you’ll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that’s not where the story ends. That’s where it begins. That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love. And the building of your path back to Him... pg. 56
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/
Fall in love with the real thing
Why do we have so much trouble sacrificing what we love for what God loves? Why can’t we just let go of things? I think we struggle so much with letting go of what we love, because we haven’t found something we love more to replace it. pg 58
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/03/01/fall-in-love-with-the-real-thing/
A Successful Marriage: The Missing Link
Similarly, a man may question why he should show kindness and love towards even a disrespectful wife. To answer this question, one only needs to look at the example of Omar Ibn ul-Khattab. When a man came to Omar (who was Khalifah at the time) to complain of his wife, he heard Omar’s own wife yelling at him. While the man turned to leave, Omar called him back. The man told Omar that he had come to complain of the same problem that Omar himself had. To this Omar replied that his wife tolerated him, washed his clothes, cleaned his home, made him comfortable, and took care of his children. If she did all of this for him, how could he not tolerate her when she raised her voice? pg 64
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/01/04/a-successful-marriage-the-missing-link-by-yasmin-mogahed/
Seeing Your Home in Jennah: On Seeking Divine Help
Indeed Allah does test those whom He loves and He tests in proportion to the level of faith. But so too does Allah send His Divine assistance whereby any test can be made easy and any fire can be made cool. So too can Allah send His Divine assistance whereby a single glimpse of His light and the home with Him can make us smile—even in the midst of the flames of trial. pg. 72
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/seeing-your-home-in-jennah-on-seeking-divine-help/
Hurt by Others: How to Cope and Heal
The ability to readily forgive should be driven by an awareness of our own flaws and mistakes towards others. But most of all, our humility should be driven by the fact that we wrong Allah every single day of our lives, when we sin. Who are we compared to Allah? And yet, Allah, Master of the universe, forgives by day and by night. Who are we to withhold forgiveness? If we hope to be forgiven by Allah, how can we not forgive others? It is for this reason that the Prophet ﷺ teaches us: “Those who show no mercy to others will have no mercy shown to them by Allah.” [Muslim] pg. 75
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/04/27/hurt-by-others-how-to-cope-and-heal/
The Dream of Life
God only gives good (nearness to Him) to good people, and bad (distance from Him) to bad people. The greatest good is nearness to God, in this life and the next. And it is only ‘good’ people who are blessed with this. That is why the Prophet ﷺ has said: “Strange is the case of a believer, there is good for him in everything—and this is only for the believer. If a blessing reaches him, he is grateful to God, which is good for him, and if an adversity reaches him, he is patient which is good for him,” (Muslim). pg. 78
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/11/23/the-dream-of-life/
Pain, Loss, and the Path to God
Hardships test us. But hardships can also be a blessing and a sign of Allah’s love. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” [Bukhari]. And yet most people cannot fathom how adversity could possibly be good. Many do not recognize that hardship is in fact a purifier, which brings people back to their Lord. pg. 84
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/09/14/pain-loss-and-the-path-to-god/
A Believer’s Response to Hardship
As soon as we internalize that it is only a test, our questions drastically change. Instead of asking: “How could this be happening?” “Why is it so unfair?” our questions become: “How should I react?” “How should I pass this test?” “What am I meant to learn?” “How should I see through this illusion, to the creator of the one who’s hurting me, the one who’s oppressing me, and the test itself?” “How can we as a community use this test to bring us closer to our final destination, God?” and “How can we use this test to fulfill the purpose for which it was created - a tool to bring us nearer to Him?” pg. 88
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/03/15/a-believer%e2%80%99s-response-to-the-king-hearings/
This Life: A Prison or Paradise?
For the believing soul, it’s different. The believer is in prison—not paradise. Why? What is a prisoner? A prisoner is someone who is trapped. A prisoner is kept from his home. Stuck, while he wishes to be somewhere better. The worldly body is a prison for the believer, not because this life is miserable for the believing soul, but because that soul yearns to be somewhere greater. It yearns to be Home. No matter how wonderful this life is for a believer, it is a prison compared to the Perfect life that awaits them. This soul’s attachment is to God and the true paradise with Him. It wants to be there. But this worldly life is what keeps that soul from returning—for a while. It is the barrier, the prison. Although, the heart of a believer holds the only true paradise of this life, the soul still seeks what is beyond. The soul still seeks its Home. But this soul must remain in the bars of the body for an appointed term. It must ‘do the time’, before it can be released to go Home. The attachment of the believing soul is not to the imprisoning body. pg. 92
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/06/21/this-life-a-prison-or-paradise/
Salah: Life’s Forgotten Purpose
Consider for a moment what satan did wrong. He didn’t refuse to believe in Allah. He refused to make one sajdah. Just one. Imagine all the sajdahs we refuse to make.
Consider the seriousness of such a refusal. And yet, think how lightly we take the matter of salah. Salah is the first thing we will be asked about on the Day of Judgment, and yet it is the last thing that is on our mind. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The first thing which will be judged among a man’s deeds on the Day of Resurrection is the Prayer. If this is in good order then he will succeed and prosper but if it is defective then he will fail and will be a loser.” [Tirmidhi]
On that Day, the people of paradise will ask those who have entered Hell-fire, why they have entered it. And the Qur’an tells us exactly what their first response will be: ”What led you into Hell Fire? They will say: ‘We were not of those who prayed.’” (Qur’an, 74:42-43) pg. 98
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/03/01/salah-lifes-forgotten-purpose/
Salah and the Worst Kind of Theft
So it should be of no surprise to anyone that neglecting salah becomes the very first step in the path to a lower life. Those who have fallen off the path need only to look back at where it began; and they will find that it began with the salah. The same is perfectly true the other way around. For those who wish to turn their lives around, it begins by focusing on and perfecting the salah. Once you put salah back as the priority—before school, work, fun, socializing, shopping, TV, ball games—only then can you turn your life around. pg. 101
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/01/03/salah-and-the-worst-kind-of-theft/
A Sacred Conversation
We are told in the hadith qudsi: “Our Lord descends during the last third of each night to the lower heaven, and says: ‘Is there anyone who calls on Me that I may respond to him? Is there anyone who asks Me that I may give unto him? Is there anyone who requests My Forgiveness that I may forgive him?’” (Bukhari and Muslim) pg. 102
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/08/18/a-sacred-conversation/
The Darkest Hour and the Coming of the Dawn
Every moment of Ramadan is a chance to come back to Allah. Whatever we are now going through in our lives is often a direct result of our own actions. If we are humiliated, or feel low, it is our own sins which have lowered us. It is only by Allah that we can ever hope to be elevated. If we are consistently unable to wake up for Fajr, or if we find it increasingly difficult to stay away from haram (the forbidden), we must examine our relationship with Allah. Most of all, we must never be deceived. We must never allow ourselves to think that anything in this world succeeds, fails, is given, taken, done, or undone without Allah. It is only by our connection to our Creator that we rise or fall in life, in our relationship with our world—and with all of humanity. pg. 105
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/07/19/the-darkest-hour-and-the-coming-of-the-dawn/
Facebook: The Hidden Danger
In a profound hadith (Prophetic teaching), a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: “O Messenger of God, direct me to an act, which if I do, God will love me and people will love me.” He ﷺ said: “Detach yourself from the world, and God will love you. Detach yourself from what is with the people, and the people will love you.” [Ibn Majah]
Ironically, the less we chase after the approval and love of the people, the more we gain it. The less needy we are of others, the more people are drawn to us and seek our company. This hadith teaches us a profound Truth. Only by breaking out of the orbit of the creation, can we succeed with both God and people. pg. 113
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/02/27/facebook-the-hidden-danger/
This is Awakening
To protect yourself from this downward spiral, remember that the lows are part of the path. Remember that ‘futoor’ (the dip) is part of being human. Once you realize that this does not mean you failed or that you are a hypocrite (like Abu Bakr (RA) thought), you can keep from giving up once you get there. The key is to develop certain habits which become your ‘bare minimum’. That means no matter how you feel, how unmotivated, how low, you still do these things at the very least. You realize that when you’re at your low, it’s going to be harder, but you struggle to keep doing them. For example, the bare minimum is the 5 daily prayers at their appointed times. This should *never* be compromised no matter *how much* you’re ‘not feeling it’. They should be considered like breathing air. Imagine what would happen if every time you were exhausted or in a bad mood you decided not to breathe!
It is preferred to have other rituals that are part of the ‘bare minimum’. For example, stick to certain extra prayers and athkar or daily Quran—even if it’s little. Remember that Allah loves a small *consistent* action more than a huge inconsistent one. If you hold onto certain essentials during your ‘low’, you will ride the wave of iman and come back up, insha Allah. And, God willing, when you do go back up, you’ll be at a higher place than your last ‘high’. pg. 117
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/25/this-is-awakening/
A Woman’s Reflection on Leading Prayer
The Prophet ﷺ used to also help around the house, contrary to another widely held myth of masculinity. Aisha reported, “The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.” [Bukhari & Muslim] pg. 130
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/01/18/defining-manhood-the-facade-of-being-hard/
Unspeakable Tragedy and the Condition of Our Ummah
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said to his companions (radi Allahu `anhum): “The people will soon summon one another to attack you as people, when eating, invite others to share their food.” Someone asked, “Will that be because of our small numbers at that time?” He replied, “No. You will be numerous at that time: but you will be froth like that carried down by a torrent (of water), and Allah will take the fear of you from the hearts of your enemy and cast al-wahn into your hearts.” Someone asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what is al-wahn?” He replied, “Love of this dunya and hatred of death.” [An authentic hadith recorded by Abu Dawud and Ahmad]
The Prophet ﷺ here is describing a people who have become so completely engrossed in this life that it has made them selfish, materialistic, short-sighted, and heedless of their meeting with Allah. He is describing a people who have become so worldly that they have lost their moral character. pg. 141
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/06/08/palestine-an-unspeakable-tragedy-and-the-condition-of-our-ummah/
Today’s Opening of the Red Sea (Lessons from Egypt)
We must first conquer greed, selfishness, shirk, ultimate fear, love, hope and dependence on anything other than Allah. We must conquer hubb ad-dunya (love of dunya)—the root of all our diseases, and all our oppression. Before we can defeat the Pharaohs in our lives, we must defeat the Pharaoh inside ourselves. So the fight in Egypt is a fight for liberation. Yes. But liberation from what? Who is truly oppressed? Are you and I free? What is true oppression? Ibn Taymiyyah (ra) answers this question when he says: “The one who is (truly) imprisoned is the one whose heart is imprisoned from Allah and the captivated one is the one whose desires have enslaved him.” (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Wabil) pg. 147
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/02/09/egypt-musa-and-the-red-sea/
During Ramadan, I plan to read inshAllah:
The Marriage Procedure in Islam by Umm Muhammad Aminah Assami
Names of Allah by Harun Yahya (free ebook on Barnes and Noble)
The Sealed Nectar: Biography of the Noble Prophet by Safiur-Rahman Mubarakpuri
or Belief in Allah by Umar S. Al-Ashqar
After Ramadan, but before uni. opens:
Robin: Lady of Legend by R.M. ArceJaeger (free ebook on Amazon)
Silent Mercy (Alexandra Cooper #13) by Linda Fairstein
(reread) The Eighth Scroll by Laurence B. Brown
(reread) The Returned by Laurence B. Brown
Treasure Island - Special Student Edition by Robert Louis Stevenson
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and; Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed cont.
One of the books that I am reading during Ramadan is Yasmin Mogahed's Reclaim Your Heart. Actually, I'm rereading it. I did a review on this book after I first read it in the beginning of the year, but I don't think I did it justice then. I really can't say enough good things about Yasmin and her book. (InshAllah she comes out with another book soon!) I decided to continue my "review" and go section by section including my personal GEM's (genuinely enlightening moments i.e. favorite parts/ what stood out to me). This is for those who wonder why I rave about her book so much and also for me to refer back to ;) ETA 7.23.13: I have finished Reclaim Your Heart and below are all my GEMs.
I highly recommend everyone give this book a chance and read it. But don't read it just to get through it. I suggest reading a section at the most a day. That way, you can actually digest the material and think about it. Fortunately, I have been able to find the articles on Yasmin's website so I have linked each one after the part I liked. This should be helpful to those who want to read her writing, but don't have a physical copy of the book. Nonetheless, read what you can and let me know in the comments below what stood out to you :)
Attachments
Why do people have to leave each other?Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it. pg 17
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/
People leave each other, but do they return?
Sometimes Allah takes in order to give. But, it’s crucial to understand that His giving is not always in the form we think we want. He knows best what is best. Allah says: “… But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” (Quran 2:216) pg. 22
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/
On filling the inner hole and coming home
Purpose. Everything has one. Nothing in the heavens or the earth or inside of me or inside of you is created without a purpose. No event in your life, no sadness, no delight, no pain, no pleasure… no loss, was created without a purpose. So just as we must read the ‘message inside the bottle’ of the sun and the moon and the sky, so too must we examine the messages in our own life experiences. pg. 26
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/on-filling-the-inner-hole-and-coming-home/
Emptying the vessel
If there is anything—or anyone—that losing would absolutely break us, we have a false attachment. pg. 29
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/12/07/attachments-emptying-the-vessel/
For the love of the gift
We all have needs and we all have wants. But our true suffering begins when we turn our wants into needs, and our one true need (God) into a commodity we think we can do without. Our true suffering begins when we confuse the means and the End. God is the only End. Every other thing is the means. We will suffer the moment we take our eyes off the End and get lost in the means. pg. 33
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/for-the-love-of-the-gift/
Peace on a rooftop
That is the paradise that Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on his soul, spoke of when he said: ‘Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world.’ pg. 37
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/05/27/peace-on-a-rooftop/
The ocean of dunya
As `Ali (ra) expressed beautifully, “Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.” pg. 39
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/the-ocean-of-dunya/
Take back your heart
This world cannot break you—unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it the keys – unless you give it your heart. pg. 43
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/take-back-your-heart/
Love
Escaping the Worst PrisonMany of us are also trapped inside the belly of the whale of our own desires and objects of worship. It is our own selves which we become enslaved to. And that imprisonment is the result of putting anything where only God should be in our hearts. In so doing we create the worst and most painful of prisons; because while a worldly prison can only take away what is temporary and inherently imperfect, this spiritual prison takes away what is ultimate, unending and perfect: Allah and our relationship to Him. pg. 50
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/11/13/escaping-the-worst-of-prisons/
Is This Love I’m Feeling?
So while ultimate happiness is everyone’s goal, it is often difficult to see past the illusions and discern love from hawa. One fail-safe way, is to ask yourself this question: Does getting closer to this person that I ‘love’ bring me closer to—or farther from—Allah? In a sense, has this person replaced Allah in my heart? pg. 52
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2009/11/13/is-this-love-im-feeling/
Love is in the Air
So often we think that Allah only tests us with hardships, but this isn’t true. Allah also tests with ease. He tests us with na`im (blessings) and with the things we love, and it is often in these tests that so many of us fail. We fail because when Allah gives us these blessings, we unwittingly turn them into false idols of the heart. pg. 53
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/02/14/love-is-in-the-air/
This is Love
The lesson you’re taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that’s when Jennah (paradise) begins. That’s when you’ll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that’s not where the story ends. That’s where it begins. That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love. And the building of your path back to Him... pg. 56
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/
Fall in love with the real thing
Why do we have so much trouble sacrificing what we love for what God loves? Why can’t we just let go of things? I think we struggle so much with letting go of what we love, because we haven’t found something we love more to replace it. pg 58
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/03/01/fall-in-love-with-the-real-thing/
A Successful Marriage: The Missing Link
Similarly, a man may question why he should show kindness and love towards even a disrespectful wife. To answer this question, one only needs to look at the example of Omar Ibn ul-Khattab. When a man came to Omar (who was Khalifah at the time) to complain of his wife, he heard Omar’s own wife yelling at him. While the man turned to leave, Omar called him back. The man told Omar that he had come to complain of the same problem that Omar himself had. To this Omar replied that his wife tolerated him, washed his clothes, cleaned his home, made him comfortable, and took care of his children. If she did all of this for him, how could he not tolerate her when she raised her voice? pg 64
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/01/04/a-successful-marriage-the-missing-link-by-yasmin-mogahed/
Hardships
Seeing Your Home in Jennah: On Seeking Divine Help
Indeed Allah does test those whom He loves and He tests in proportion to the level of faith. But so too does Allah send His Divine assistance whereby any test can be made easy and any fire can be made cool. So too can Allah send His Divine assistance whereby a single glimpse of His light and the home with Him can make us smile—even in the midst of the flames of trial. pg. 72
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/seeing-your-home-in-jennah-on-seeking-divine-help/
Hurt by Others: How to Cope and Heal
The ability to readily forgive should be driven by an awareness of our own flaws and mistakes towards others. But most of all, our humility should be driven by the fact that we wrong Allah every single day of our lives, when we sin. Who are we compared to Allah? And yet, Allah, Master of the universe, forgives by day and by night. Who are we to withhold forgiveness? If we hope to be forgiven by Allah, how can we not forgive others? It is for this reason that the Prophet ﷺ teaches us: “Those who show no mercy to others will have no mercy shown to them by Allah.” [Muslim] pg. 75
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/04/27/hurt-by-others-how-to-cope-and-heal/
The Dream of Life
God only gives good (nearness to Him) to good people, and bad (distance from Him) to bad people. The greatest good is nearness to God, in this life and the next. And it is only ‘good’ people who are blessed with this. That is why the Prophet ﷺ has said: “Strange is the case of a believer, there is good for him in everything—and this is only for the believer. If a blessing reaches him, he is grateful to God, which is good for him, and if an adversity reaches him, he is patient which is good for him,” (Muslim). pg. 78
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/11/23/the-dream-of-life/
Pain, Loss, and the Path to God
Hardships test us. But hardships can also be a blessing and a sign of Allah’s love. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” [Bukhari]. And yet most people cannot fathom how adversity could possibly be good. Many do not recognize that hardship is in fact a purifier, which brings people back to their Lord. pg. 84
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/09/14/pain-loss-and-the-path-to-god/
A Believer’s Response to Hardship
As soon as we internalize that it is only a test, our questions drastically change. Instead of asking: “How could this be happening?” “Why is it so unfair?” our questions become: “How should I react?” “How should I pass this test?” “What am I meant to learn?” “How should I see through this illusion, to the creator of the one who’s hurting me, the one who’s oppressing me, and the test itself?” “How can we as a community use this test to bring us closer to our final destination, God?” and “How can we use this test to fulfill the purpose for which it was created - a tool to bring us nearer to Him?” pg. 88
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/03/15/a-believer%e2%80%99s-response-to-the-king-hearings/
This Life: A Prison or Paradise?
For the believing soul, it’s different. The believer is in prison—not paradise. Why? What is a prisoner? A prisoner is someone who is trapped. A prisoner is kept from his home. Stuck, while he wishes to be somewhere better. The worldly body is a prison for the believer, not because this life is miserable for the believing soul, but because that soul yearns to be somewhere greater. It yearns to be Home. No matter how wonderful this life is for a believer, it is a prison compared to the Perfect life that awaits them. This soul’s attachment is to God and the true paradise with Him. It wants to be there. But this worldly life is what keeps that soul from returning—for a while. It is the barrier, the prison. Although, the heart of a believer holds the only true paradise of this life, the soul still seeks what is beyond. The soul still seeks its Home. But this soul must remain in the bars of the body for an appointed term. It must ‘do the time’, before it can be released to go Home. The attachment of the believing soul is not to the imprisoning body. pg. 92
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/06/21/this-life-a-prison-or-paradise/
Relationship with the Creator
Salah: Life’s Forgotten Purpose
Consider for a moment what satan did wrong. He didn’t refuse to believe in Allah. He refused to make one sajdah. Just one. Imagine all the sajdahs we refuse to make.
Consider the seriousness of such a refusal. And yet, think how lightly we take the matter of salah. Salah is the first thing we will be asked about on the Day of Judgment, and yet it is the last thing that is on our mind. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The first thing which will be judged among a man’s deeds on the Day of Resurrection is the Prayer. If this is in good order then he will succeed and prosper but if it is defective then he will fail and will be a loser.” [Tirmidhi]
On that Day, the people of paradise will ask those who have entered Hell-fire, why they have entered it. And the Qur’an tells us exactly what their first response will be: ”What led you into Hell Fire? They will say: ‘We were not of those who prayed.’” (Qur’an, 74:42-43) pg. 98
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/03/01/salah-lifes-forgotten-purpose/
Salah and the Worst Kind of Theft
So it should be of no surprise to anyone that neglecting salah becomes the very first step in the path to a lower life. Those who have fallen off the path need only to look back at where it began; and they will find that it began with the salah. The same is perfectly true the other way around. For those who wish to turn their lives around, it begins by focusing on and perfecting the salah. Once you put salah back as the priority—before school, work, fun, socializing, shopping, TV, ball games—only then can you turn your life around. pg. 101
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/01/03/salah-and-the-worst-kind-of-theft/
A Sacred Conversation
We are told in the hadith qudsi: “Our Lord descends during the last third of each night to the lower heaven, and says: ‘Is there anyone who calls on Me that I may respond to him? Is there anyone who asks Me that I may give unto him? Is there anyone who requests My Forgiveness that I may forgive him?’” (Bukhari and Muslim) pg. 102
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/08/18/a-sacred-conversation/
The Darkest Hour and the Coming of the Dawn
Every moment of Ramadan is a chance to come back to Allah. Whatever we are now going through in our lives is often a direct result of our own actions. If we are humiliated, or feel low, it is our own sins which have lowered us. It is only by Allah that we can ever hope to be elevated. If we are consistently unable to wake up for Fajr, or if we find it increasingly difficult to stay away from haram (the forbidden), we must examine our relationship with Allah. Most of all, we must never be deceived. We must never allow ourselves to think that anything in this world succeeds, fails, is given, taken, done, or undone without Allah. It is only by our connection to our Creator that we rise or fall in life, in our relationship with our world—and with all of humanity. pg. 105
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/07/19/the-darkest-hour-and-the-coming-of-the-dawn/
Facebook: The Hidden Danger
In a profound hadith (Prophetic teaching), a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: “O Messenger of God, direct me to an act, which if I do, God will love me and people will love me.” He ﷺ said: “Detach yourself from the world, and God will love you. Detach yourself from what is with the people, and the people will love you.” [Ibn Majah]
Ironically, the less we chase after the approval and love of the people, the more we gain it. The less needy we are of others, the more people are drawn to us and seek our company. This hadith teaches us a profound Truth. Only by breaking out of the orbit of the creation, can we succeed with both God and people. pg. 113
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/02/27/facebook-the-hidden-danger/
This is Awakening
To protect yourself from this downward spiral, remember that the lows are part of the path. Remember that ‘futoor’ (the dip) is part of being human. Once you realize that this does not mean you failed or that you are a hypocrite (like Abu Bakr (RA) thought), you can keep from giving up once you get there. The key is to develop certain habits which become your ‘bare minimum’. That means no matter how you feel, how unmotivated, how low, you still do these things at the very least. You realize that when you’re at your low, it’s going to be harder, but you struggle to keep doing them. For example, the bare minimum is the 5 daily prayers at their appointed times. This should *never* be compromised no matter *how much* you’re ‘not feeling it’. They should be considered like breathing air. Imagine what would happen if every time you were exhausted or in a bad mood you decided not to breathe!
It is preferred to have other rituals that are part of the ‘bare minimum’. For example, stick to certain extra prayers and athkar or daily Quran—even if it’s little. Remember that Allah loves a small *consistent* action more than a huge inconsistent one. If you hold onto certain essentials during your ‘low’, you will ride the wave of iman and come back up, insha Allah. And, God willing, when you do go back up, you’ll be at a higher place than your last ‘high’. pg. 117
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/25/this-is-awakening/
Women's Status
A Woman’s Reflection on Leading Prayer
When asked, “Who is most deserving of our kind treatment?” the Prophet ﷺ replied, “Your mother” three times before saying “your father” only once. No matter what a man does he will never be able to have the status of a mother. pg. 126-127 http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/12/19/a-woman%e2%80%99s-reflection-on-leading-prayer/
Defining Manhood: The Facade of Being “Hard"The Prophet ﷺ used to also help around the house, contrary to another widely held myth of masculinity. Aisha reported, “The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.” [Bukhari & Muslim] pg. 130
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/01/18/defining-manhood-the-facade-of-being-hard/
Ummah
Unspeakable Tragedy and the Condition of Our Ummah
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said to his companions (radi Allahu `anhum): “The people will soon summon one another to attack you as people, when eating, invite others to share their food.” Someone asked, “Will that be because of our small numbers at that time?” He replied, “No. You will be numerous at that time: but you will be froth like that carried down by a torrent (of water), and Allah will take the fear of you from the hearts of your enemy and cast al-wahn into your hearts.” Someone asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what is al-wahn?” He replied, “Love of this dunya and hatred of death.” [An authentic hadith recorded by Abu Dawud and Ahmad]
The Prophet ﷺ here is describing a people who have become so completely engrossed in this life that it has made them selfish, materialistic, short-sighted, and heedless of their meeting with Allah. He is describing a people who have become so worldly that they have lost their moral character. pg. 141
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/06/08/palestine-an-unspeakable-tragedy-and-the-condition-of-our-ummah/
Today’s Opening of the Red Sea (Lessons from Egypt)
We must first conquer greed, selfishness, shirk, ultimate fear, love, hope and dependence on anything other than Allah. We must conquer hubb ad-dunya (love of dunya)—the root of all our diseases, and all our oppression. Before we can defeat the Pharaohs in our lives, we must defeat the Pharaoh inside ourselves. So the fight in Egypt is a fight for liberation. Yes. But liberation from what? Who is truly oppressed? Are you and I free? What is true oppression? Ibn Taymiyyah (ra) answers this question when he says: “The one who is (truly) imprisoned is the one whose heart is imprisoned from Allah and the captivated one is the one whose desires have enslaved him.” (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Wabil) pg. 147
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/02/09/egypt-musa-and-the-red-sea/
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Be the Change You Want to See
My 1st "long" short story I wrote for Creative Writing class. This was inspired by one of my favorite quotes, “Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” -Brandon Mull, Fablehaven. Please let me know if you have any suggestions. Feedback would be greatly appreciated :)
"Mommy, can you please play with me?" asked three-year old Julia. She had a stuffed panda clutched to her chest and was looking into the kitchen at her mom cooking.
"I'm sorry baby, but can you please ask your Dad in the living room? I need to finish this blueberry pie before Grandma comes over tonight," Mrs. Polo answered, looking at the time on her wristwatch. Julia made her way to the living room.
"Daddy, can you please play with me? Mommy's busy." She stood next to the arm of the couch watching her dad. Mr. Polo was on the leather couch with his foot up on an ottoman watching a baseball game on T.V. He looked hypnotized by the screen. She giggled at her dad's face, which got Mr. Polo's attention. He turned to look at his daughter.
"I'm sorry Julia, but Daddy is really tired. It was a long day at work and I need to relax a bit. I promise I'll play with you tomorrow though," Mr. Polo said and turned back to the T.V.
"Okay…" Julia said with disappointment. She dragged her panda back upstairs to her room and played by herself. It wasn't until she heard the doorbell ring about half an hour later that she went downstairs.
"There's my favorite girl," Grandma said as she hung up her coat. Julia ran to give her grandma a big hug, her brown curls jumping with her movement.
"Hi Grandma!" Julia screamed with delight. She clung to her Grandma's legs until she was picked up. "Can you please play with me? Mommy and Daddy are too busy," Julia pleaded. Grandma looked over at her daughter and son-in-law with a frown.
"Of course I will sweetheart, but let's eat dinner first. I'm starving and the food smells delicious," Grandma answered, giving Julia a kiss on the cheek and putting her down. The pair headed to the dining room hand in hand.
"Everything looks great Eva and the aroma coming from that chicken smells delicious! I see you made roast chicken and rice, and your favorite blueberry pie. You didn’t need to make all this for me. Pasta alone would have been good enough. But it is good to see that you know how to cook like your mother," Grandma said to Eva with a wink.
"It's been a long time since you came over Mom. You needed something special," Eva said with a smile as everyone sat down to eat.
"How's everything going with your new job in the city Nick?" Grandma asked as she cut into a slice of tender chicken.
"It's hectic working in the NYSE. I'll need some time to get use to the new atmosphere, but at least the pay is good."
"I can see you and Eva are doing fine financially, but how is everything going between you two?" Grandma asked looking from her daughter to son in law.
Eva hesitated to answer in front of Julia who was eating pasta. She had sauce all over her cheeks and her eyes were drooping for sleep. Eva looked at the grandfather clock behind Nick. It was almost 8:30. Eva quickly cleaned Julia's face and hands, and took her upstairs to bed. Today, Julia didn’t need a bedtime story. Instead, she fell fast asleep after a few minutes of being put to bed. Eva kissed her little princess goodnight and headed back downstairs to her mother and Nick.
"We've been thinking about getting a divorce, but Eva doesn’t want to go through with it," Nick said as Eva sat back down next to her mother.
"I don’t want to hurt Julia. She's only a little girl and I don’t want her to grow up without either parent and constantly having to visit the other for the rest of our lives," Eva said, looking from her mother to Nick.
"I understand what you mean dear," Grandma said, patting her daughter's pale hand on the table. Eva had been five when her parents had gotten a divorce.
"Many couples stay together for the sake of their children," Eva said looking at her husband.
"Yes, but that isn't a healthy marriage. Everyone is acting in an atmosphere like that where the parents can't stand each other and the kids know it and have to suffer in between. You of all people here should know that Eva," Nick replied. With that being said, dinner finished quickly. Eva put the dishes in the dishwasher while her mother chatted with Nick in the living room.
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Tiding up the kitchen, Eva thought of her childhood when her parents had gotten a divorce. At the time, she didn’t understand what was going on between her parents until one day, her father didn’t come back from work. That day turned into a few weeks before Eva's mother said they were going to visit her father. Eva was quiet during the whole car ride to her father's place. She was thinking about what to say to him. A half hour later, they stopped in front of an apartment building and made their way inside.
Eva's father was happy to see her. He opened the door and scooped her up to give her a bear hug like he always did when he came home from work. He let his ex-wife in and carried Eva in his arms. After some pizza, Eva sat on her father's lap and asked him why he moved away from home. She begged him to come back and said she really missed him. He said things weren't going well between him and Eva's mother and it was better this way. Seeing tears come down his daughter's face, he wiped them away and looked at Eva's mother for support. She bit her lip not knowing what to say to her daughter. How much should she say to a little girl? Would she even understand?
The truth was, Eva's mother had told her father to not come back home. She was tired of everything he was putting her through; his bad habits, coming home late from work, but most of all, the abuse. He would constantly yell and curse at her, like when she would tell him to pick up his dirty clothes or ask why he had come home late. Sometimes, it even went as far as him hitting her. She would feel helpless, not being able to make him change. She should have known better than that. You can't expect someone to change 360 just because of marriage.
Not being able to get things to work out between them, Eva's mother went to court to ask for a divorce. Her husband didn’t really argue, which made her wonder if he had wanted this for a while. After a couple of months, they both got what they wanted, freedom from each other. Unfortunately, Eva had to suffer in the middle. From then on, Eva lived with her mother and visited her father two weekends a month.
"Eva, your father and I have some personal issues between us. You're too young to understand now, but you will when you get older. I just don’t want to hurt you by lying."
An hour passed and Eva's mother finally took her daughter by the hand to leave. Eva gave her dad one last hug and they were out the door. The visits continued this way until Eva's last year at college and her mother got older. Eventually, Eva's mother told her the truth about her father. Time flew by and one day seven years ago, Eva had gotten news that her father died from a stroke. The pain of losing her father lasted a while, but was soon replaced once Eva met Nick at college.
At the time, Eva thought Nick was a dream come true. While they were getting to know each other, Eva felt herself getting attached to this man. He reminded Eva so much of her father too. Nick was gentle, understanding, smart, ambitious, had good manners, and always knew how to make her laugh. One day after a party at a friend's house, Nick confided in Eva that he wanted to marry her. So in two years time, they were happily married and within another year, were expecting their first child, Julia.
"Eva, come join us," her mother called from the living room, cutting short Eva's thoughts down memory lane.
Eva went to join her mother and Nick for some homemade blueberry pie. For a while, Eva forgot about her problems, seeing her mother and Nick enjoying their conversation. Eva's mother had been so happy at the news of her daughter's marriage to Nick. She truly believed Nick was a good man to have in Eva's life since losing her father. Little did they know what would come after the initial blissful months of marriage.
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"It seems to me that you and Nick have some issues," Eva's mother said.
"Yes mother, unfortunately we do…" Eva replied with a sigh.
"We want to work things out, but we don’t know where to start," Nick said.
"What you two need is some marriage counseling. I'm sure you both know that divorce rates are rising every year, but I really want you two to try and work things out. Take my friend's number and give her a call. She does counseling for couples," Eva's mother said, handing her daughter a card.
"Thanks Mom. I'll give her a call tomorrow morning." Eva's mother finished her pie and soon went back home while the Polo's retired to bed.
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On Saturday morning, Eva called the number her mother gave.
"Hello Mrs. Hill. This is Eva Polo and I was wondering if my husband and I could talk to you about our marriage. This afternoon at 2:00 would be perfect. See you then." Eva told Nick about the appointment and called her mother to ask if she could watch Julia. Afterwards, Eva went out to do some grocery shopping while Nick stayed home with Julia. When Eva came back within an hour to get ready for counseling, she found Julia coloring while Nick was talking to her.
"Julia, your Dad and I have somewhere important to go so you'll be staying with Grandma for the afternoon."
"Okay," Julia said with a smile.
Looking at her innocent little daughter made Eva hope for the best at today's meeting. After everyone got dressed, the trio got in their silver SUV and hit the road. Eva dropped Julia off at her mother's condo first before she drove off.
"Hello, Mrs. Hill. It's nice to meet you," Eva said, giving Mrs. Hill a firm handshake when the couple came into the office.
"It's nice to finally meet you two. To be honest, after your mother told me about your marriage, I was hoping to not see you in my office for counseling. But then again, what marriage is problem free? Anyway, how can I help? And please call me Jaclyn."
"Well, we've been married for almost five years. The first few months were nice, but I guess we both lost the enthusiasm of marriage," Nick said, looking from his wife to Jaclyn.
"That's typical of most marriages, unfortunately. But just like anything else in life, if we want to be successful at something, we need to work hard for it. In other words, if you two want a happy life together, then more effort needs to be put in by both of you. Since you are here, it obviously means you two want to stabilize your relationship, which is good. The 1st step to solving any problem is to acknowledge that one exists and have the desire to change. And trust me, counseling will be beneficial if that desire is strong. After all, where there is a will there is a way."
"It sounds like there is hope after all," Eva said sighing with relief.
"How much is the session?" Nick asked.
"Don’t worry about that. Eva's mother was a great friend to me when I was going through my own marriage crisis. Fortunately, things worked out for me and my husband with some help too. Seeing the difference some serious counseling could do to save a marriage made me want to help others in the same situation. The least I could do is help you and Eva. With a little guidance from me and some work on your part, the two of you can make this work out in time," Jaclyn said, giving Eva and Nick a bright smile.
"Where do we begin?" Nick asked hesitantly. He looked nervous, not believing that free counseling could make a difference.
"Let's begin with how your day usually goes."
"Well, we both work on the weekdays. Julia, our 3 year-old, stays at a daycare and my mother brings her home. She stays with Julia until we get back. By then, we're usually tired so after some dinner, we go to bed. That's basically what we do five days a week. On the weekends, we sleep in, get some chores done, and spend some time with Julia," Eva explained.
"Now, I need to understand the depth of your issues, so what exactly is bothering you two about the other?"
"The fact that I work like Nick, but I'm usually the one who comes home to cook and clean is frustrating. I'm just as tired working at the community college as he is working at the NYSE. Some help around the house would be nice. Not to mention appreciation for what I do," Eva said, looking at her husband.
"I don’t feel appreciated either. I come home from work hoping that it will be nice to spend some time with my family, but already things are tense," Nick commented with a frown.
"Neither one of you mentioned any sort of abuse, so I'm assuming we don’t need to worry about that," Jaclyn said looking at the pair.
"Eva told me about her parents and what she's been through in her childhood, so I try my best to learn from her father's mistakes and not put Eva through what her mother had to deal with," Nick answered.
"That's good to hear. Consider yourself fortunate for not having to deal with an abusive spouse," Jaclyn said to Eva.
"Thank God Nick respects me in that way," Eva said, smiling at her husband.
"From everything that has been discussed today, I think it won't be too hard for an improvement. As for your issues, first of all, it sounds like your family is lacking quality time together, especially some alone time for you two. Secondly, communication needs to occur more often. Let each other know what is bothering you. A simple thank you or token of appreciation wouldn’t hurt either.
As spouses and parents, both of you need to know your rights and responsibilities within a marriage. Unconditional love and respect will also better your relationship. You need to work together, even in the simple everyday tasks. These can surprisingly bring your family together more often than anything. Go out together once in a while and enjoy your life before you get older and busier. And don’t forget about your daughter. Never let a child suffer in between a marriage. It'll do more damage than you know. Drop her off at your mother's or at a friend's if you two want some time together, but also include her in family outings. New York is great for that!"
"Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to our problems Jaclyn. I feel better having gotten that out," Eva said with a smile.
"My pleasure. Now I want you two to follow the advice I gave. Give me a call or better yet, stop by in a few weeks with news. I'd love to meet your baby girl too."
"We'll be sure to let you know how things are improving. Thank you again for your help!" Eva said rising to give Jaclyn a hug.
"See you three shortly then. Tell your mother I said "Hi" Eva."
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After the two hour session with Jaclyn, Eva and Nick went over to pick up Julia. Before going back home though, they stopped by Central Park. Spring was a beautiful time to go through the park and see all the beautiful colored plants and trees. People were taking pictures, riding bikes, painting scenery, and enjoying the fresh weather. Julia skipped with joy while Eva and Nick watched from behind.
Still unsure about the first step to take to improve his relationship with his wife, Nick tried in the littlest ways he could, now taking Eva's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Eva looked at his hand clutched to hers than at his face. Nick saw a smile coming across her face and he couldn’t help it, but he smiled as well. While he didn’t think about it, Eva was smiling inside as well as out, thinking about when Nick would do the same when they were first married. It's been so long, Eva thought.
On Sunday, the family went to church. Neither Eva nor Nick were religious so they hadn't gone since they got married. Nonetheless, they felt some spiritual guidance would help their family. The next few weeks went better than normal. Eva and Nick worked together around the house and outside, which put everyone in a good mood. Julia was definitely enjoying the change in her parents. She looked more bubbly and was excited for their weekend trips, Eva observed.
Eva and Nick took Julia and her Grandma to visit Jaclyn and update her on the good news. They told her about their trips to the American Museum of Natural History, Statue of Liberty, and Times Square. Nick happily showed pictures to Jaclyn of their trip, giving Eva and Julia a kiss on the cheek.
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Ten years later, Eva and Nick's relationship was rekindled. Although they had some arguments here and there, they tried hard to get past them. Julia and her twin brothers, Jason and Jeffrey brought joy to their parents. Julia herself was budding into a teenager. Although Julia's teen years were just beginning, Eva was thankful that Julia made it past the family's initial problems in one piece. A family picture sat on top of the living room fireplace and was a testimony to the changes that took place in the Polo family. Not only were there two additions to the family, but Eva, Nick, and Julia looked happier than they had in years.
"Mommy, can you please play with me?" asked three-year old Julia. She had a stuffed panda clutched to her chest and was looking into the kitchen at her mom cooking.
"I'm sorry baby, but can you please ask your Dad in the living room? I need to finish this blueberry pie before Grandma comes over tonight," Mrs. Polo answered, looking at the time on her wristwatch. Julia made her way to the living room.
"Daddy, can you please play with me? Mommy's busy." She stood next to the arm of the couch watching her dad. Mr. Polo was on the leather couch with his foot up on an ottoman watching a baseball game on T.V. He looked hypnotized by the screen. She giggled at her dad's face, which got Mr. Polo's attention. He turned to look at his daughter.
"I'm sorry Julia, but Daddy is really tired. It was a long day at work and I need to relax a bit. I promise I'll play with you tomorrow though," Mr. Polo said and turned back to the T.V.
"Okay…" Julia said with disappointment. She dragged her panda back upstairs to her room and played by herself. It wasn't until she heard the doorbell ring about half an hour later that she went downstairs.
"There's my favorite girl," Grandma said as she hung up her coat. Julia ran to give her grandma a big hug, her brown curls jumping with her movement.
"Hi Grandma!" Julia screamed with delight. She clung to her Grandma's legs until she was picked up. "Can you please play with me? Mommy and Daddy are too busy," Julia pleaded. Grandma looked over at her daughter and son-in-law with a frown.
"Of course I will sweetheart, but let's eat dinner first. I'm starving and the food smells delicious," Grandma answered, giving Julia a kiss on the cheek and putting her down. The pair headed to the dining room hand in hand.
"Everything looks great Eva and the aroma coming from that chicken smells delicious! I see you made roast chicken and rice, and your favorite blueberry pie. You didn’t need to make all this for me. Pasta alone would have been good enough. But it is good to see that you know how to cook like your mother," Grandma said to Eva with a wink.
"It's been a long time since you came over Mom. You needed something special," Eva said with a smile as everyone sat down to eat.
"How's everything going with your new job in the city Nick?" Grandma asked as she cut into a slice of tender chicken.
"It's hectic working in the NYSE. I'll need some time to get use to the new atmosphere, but at least the pay is good."
"I can see you and Eva are doing fine financially, but how is everything going between you two?" Grandma asked looking from her daughter to son in law.
Eva hesitated to answer in front of Julia who was eating pasta. She had sauce all over her cheeks and her eyes were drooping for sleep. Eva looked at the grandfather clock behind Nick. It was almost 8:30. Eva quickly cleaned Julia's face and hands, and took her upstairs to bed. Today, Julia didn’t need a bedtime story. Instead, she fell fast asleep after a few minutes of being put to bed. Eva kissed her little princess goodnight and headed back downstairs to her mother and Nick.
"We've been thinking about getting a divorce, but Eva doesn’t want to go through with it," Nick said as Eva sat back down next to her mother.
"I don’t want to hurt Julia. She's only a little girl and I don’t want her to grow up without either parent and constantly having to visit the other for the rest of our lives," Eva said, looking from her mother to Nick.
"I understand what you mean dear," Grandma said, patting her daughter's pale hand on the table. Eva had been five when her parents had gotten a divorce.
"Many couples stay together for the sake of their children," Eva said looking at her husband.
"Yes, but that isn't a healthy marriage. Everyone is acting in an atmosphere like that where the parents can't stand each other and the kids know it and have to suffer in between. You of all people here should know that Eva," Nick replied. With that being said, dinner finished quickly. Eva put the dishes in the dishwasher while her mother chatted with Nick in the living room.
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Tiding up the kitchen, Eva thought of her childhood when her parents had gotten a divorce. At the time, she didn’t understand what was going on between her parents until one day, her father didn’t come back from work. That day turned into a few weeks before Eva's mother said they were going to visit her father. Eva was quiet during the whole car ride to her father's place. She was thinking about what to say to him. A half hour later, they stopped in front of an apartment building and made their way inside.
Eva's father was happy to see her. He opened the door and scooped her up to give her a bear hug like he always did when he came home from work. He let his ex-wife in and carried Eva in his arms. After some pizza, Eva sat on her father's lap and asked him why he moved away from home. She begged him to come back and said she really missed him. He said things weren't going well between him and Eva's mother and it was better this way. Seeing tears come down his daughter's face, he wiped them away and looked at Eva's mother for support. She bit her lip not knowing what to say to her daughter. How much should she say to a little girl? Would she even understand?
The truth was, Eva's mother had told her father to not come back home. She was tired of everything he was putting her through; his bad habits, coming home late from work, but most of all, the abuse. He would constantly yell and curse at her, like when she would tell him to pick up his dirty clothes or ask why he had come home late. Sometimes, it even went as far as him hitting her. She would feel helpless, not being able to make him change. She should have known better than that. You can't expect someone to change 360 just because of marriage.
Not being able to get things to work out between them, Eva's mother went to court to ask for a divorce. Her husband didn’t really argue, which made her wonder if he had wanted this for a while. After a couple of months, they both got what they wanted, freedom from each other. Unfortunately, Eva had to suffer in the middle. From then on, Eva lived with her mother and visited her father two weekends a month.
"Eva, your father and I have some personal issues between us. You're too young to understand now, but you will when you get older. I just don’t want to hurt you by lying."
An hour passed and Eva's mother finally took her daughter by the hand to leave. Eva gave her dad one last hug and they were out the door. The visits continued this way until Eva's last year at college and her mother got older. Eventually, Eva's mother told her the truth about her father. Time flew by and one day seven years ago, Eva had gotten news that her father died from a stroke. The pain of losing her father lasted a while, but was soon replaced once Eva met Nick at college.
At the time, Eva thought Nick was a dream come true. While they were getting to know each other, Eva felt herself getting attached to this man. He reminded Eva so much of her father too. Nick was gentle, understanding, smart, ambitious, had good manners, and always knew how to make her laugh. One day after a party at a friend's house, Nick confided in Eva that he wanted to marry her. So in two years time, they were happily married and within another year, were expecting their first child, Julia.
"Eva, come join us," her mother called from the living room, cutting short Eva's thoughts down memory lane.
Eva went to join her mother and Nick for some homemade blueberry pie. For a while, Eva forgot about her problems, seeing her mother and Nick enjoying their conversation. Eva's mother had been so happy at the news of her daughter's marriage to Nick. She truly believed Nick was a good man to have in Eva's life since losing her father. Little did they know what would come after the initial blissful months of marriage.
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"It seems to me that you and Nick have some issues," Eva's mother said.
"Yes mother, unfortunately we do…" Eva replied with a sigh.
"We want to work things out, but we don’t know where to start," Nick said.
"What you two need is some marriage counseling. I'm sure you both know that divorce rates are rising every year, but I really want you two to try and work things out. Take my friend's number and give her a call. She does counseling for couples," Eva's mother said, handing her daughter a card.
"Thanks Mom. I'll give her a call tomorrow morning." Eva's mother finished her pie and soon went back home while the Polo's retired to bed.
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On Saturday morning, Eva called the number her mother gave.
"Hello Mrs. Hill. This is Eva Polo and I was wondering if my husband and I could talk to you about our marriage. This afternoon at 2:00 would be perfect. See you then." Eva told Nick about the appointment and called her mother to ask if she could watch Julia. Afterwards, Eva went out to do some grocery shopping while Nick stayed home with Julia. When Eva came back within an hour to get ready for counseling, she found Julia coloring while Nick was talking to her.
"Julia, your Dad and I have somewhere important to go so you'll be staying with Grandma for the afternoon."
"Okay," Julia said with a smile.
Looking at her innocent little daughter made Eva hope for the best at today's meeting. After everyone got dressed, the trio got in their silver SUV and hit the road. Eva dropped Julia off at her mother's condo first before she drove off.
"Hello, Mrs. Hill. It's nice to meet you," Eva said, giving Mrs. Hill a firm handshake when the couple came into the office.
"It's nice to finally meet you two. To be honest, after your mother told me about your marriage, I was hoping to not see you in my office for counseling. But then again, what marriage is problem free? Anyway, how can I help? And please call me Jaclyn."
"Well, we've been married for almost five years. The first few months were nice, but I guess we both lost the enthusiasm of marriage," Nick said, looking from his wife to Jaclyn.
"That's typical of most marriages, unfortunately. But just like anything else in life, if we want to be successful at something, we need to work hard for it. In other words, if you two want a happy life together, then more effort needs to be put in by both of you. Since you are here, it obviously means you two want to stabilize your relationship, which is good. The 1st step to solving any problem is to acknowledge that one exists and have the desire to change. And trust me, counseling will be beneficial if that desire is strong. After all, where there is a will there is a way."
"It sounds like there is hope after all," Eva said sighing with relief.
"How much is the session?" Nick asked.
"Don’t worry about that. Eva's mother was a great friend to me when I was going through my own marriage crisis. Fortunately, things worked out for me and my husband with some help too. Seeing the difference some serious counseling could do to save a marriage made me want to help others in the same situation. The least I could do is help you and Eva. With a little guidance from me and some work on your part, the two of you can make this work out in time," Jaclyn said, giving Eva and Nick a bright smile.
"Where do we begin?" Nick asked hesitantly. He looked nervous, not believing that free counseling could make a difference.
"Let's begin with how your day usually goes."
"Well, we both work on the weekdays. Julia, our 3 year-old, stays at a daycare and my mother brings her home. She stays with Julia until we get back. By then, we're usually tired so after some dinner, we go to bed. That's basically what we do five days a week. On the weekends, we sleep in, get some chores done, and spend some time with Julia," Eva explained.
"Now, I need to understand the depth of your issues, so what exactly is bothering you two about the other?"
"The fact that I work like Nick, but I'm usually the one who comes home to cook and clean is frustrating. I'm just as tired working at the community college as he is working at the NYSE. Some help around the house would be nice. Not to mention appreciation for what I do," Eva said, looking at her husband.
"I don’t feel appreciated either. I come home from work hoping that it will be nice to spend some time with my family, but already things are tense," Nick commented with a frown.
"Neither one of you mentioned any sort of abuse, so I'm assuming we don’t need to worry about that," Jaclyn said looking at the pair.
"Eva told me about her parents and what she's been through in her childhood, so I try my best to learn from her father's mistakes and not put Eva through what her mother had to deal with," Nick answered.
"That's good to hear. Consider yourself fortunate for not having to deal with an abusive spouse," Jaclyn said to Eva.
"Thank God Nick respects me in that way," Eva said, smiling at her husband.
"From everything that has been discussed today, I think it won't be too hard for an improvement. As for your issues, first of all, it sounds like your family is lacking quality time together, especially some alone time for you two. Secondly, communication needs to occur more often. Let each other know what is bothering you. A simple thank you or token of appreciation wouldn’t hurt either.
As spouses and parents, both of you need to know your rights and responsibilities within a marriage. Unconditional love and respect will also better your relationship. You need to work together, even in the simple everyday tasks. These can surprisingly bring your family together more often than anything. Go out together once in a while and enjoy your life before you get older and busier. And don’t forget about your daughter. Never let a child suffer in between a marriage. It'll do more damage than you know. Drop her off at your mother's or at a friend's if you two want some time together, but also include her in family outings. New York is great for that!"
"Thank you so much for taking the time out to listen to our problems Jaclyn. I feel better having gotten that out," Eva said with a smile.
"My pleasure. Now I want you two to follow the advice I gave. Give me a call or better yet, stop by in a few weeks with news. I'd love to meet your baby girl too."
"We'll be sure to let you know how things are improving. Thank you again for your help!" Eva said rising to give Jaclyn a hug.
"See you three shortly then. Tell your mother I said "Hi" Eva."
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After the two hour session with Jaclyn, Eva and Nick went over to pick up Julia. Before going back home though, they stopped by Central Park. Spring was a beautiful time to go through the park and see all the beautiful colored plants and trees. People were taking pictures, riding bikes, painting scenery, and enjoying the fresh weather. Julia skipped with joy while Eva and Nick watched from behind.
Still unsure about the first step to take to improve his relationship with his wife, Nick tried in the littlest ways he could, now taking Eva's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Eva looked at his hand clutched to hers than at his face. Nick saw a smile coming across her face and he couldn’t help it, but he smiled as well. While he didn’t think about it, Eva was smiling inside as well as out, thinking about when Nick would do the same when they were first married. It's been so long, Eva thought.
On Sunday, the family went to church. Neither Eva nor Nick were religious so they hadn't gone since they got married. Nonetheless, they felt some spiritual guidance would help their family. The next few weeks went better than normal. Eva and Nick worked together around the house and outside, which put everyone in a good mood. Julia was definitely enjoying the change in her parents. She looked more bubbly and was excited for their weekend trips, Eva observed.
Eva and Nick took Julia and her Grandma to visit Jaclyn and update her on the good news. They told her about their trips to the American Museum of Natural History, Statue of Liberty, and Times Square. Nick happily showed pictures to Jaclyn of their trip, giving Eva and Julia a kiss on the cheek.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ten years later, Eva and Nick's relationship was rekindled. Although they had some arguments here and there, they tried hard to get past them. Julia and her twin brothers, Jason and Jeffrey brought joy to their parents. Julia herself was budding into a teenager. Although Julia's teen years were just beginning, Eva was thankful that Julia made it past the family's initial problems in one piece. A family picture sat on top of the living room fireplace and was a testimony to the changes that took place in the Polo family. Not only were there two additions to the family, but Eva, Nick, and Julia looked happier than they had in years.
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